Friday, January 21, 2011

Grab bag

ALRIGHT NOW - QUIET DOWN!! I'm trying to write a blog here. Jeez!

Of course some noise is good, like the sound of a crackling fire (as long as it isn't your house burning), rain falling or beach sounds like waves and seagulls. Click here to create your own blend of realistic nature sounds if you need some peaceful white noise for relaxing or sleeping.  Woooo.....I almost dozed off there.

One of my favorite places to visit is Arches National Park in Utah. The last time Rusti and I were there we were lucky enough to catch the desert in bloom.

If you enjoy 360 degree panoramic photos, go here for some great views of Arches NP. If you go first to the nature sounds site mentioned previously and start up a campfire, you can look at these photos and imagine you're camping out in Arches. For the best relaxation, also imagine that there are no snakes or scorpions in your sleeping bag.

Then the scientists realized it was just me and Rusti.

And now the part of my blog that I know you've all been waiting for: my Advice for Good Living. I cannot take credit for the list below, since it's been floating around the internet for months. I also can't give credit to the original writer because I don't know who it is. There is much good food for thought here so read it carefully. There may be a test later.

Truths for Mature Humans

1. Part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dang it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and  run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than with Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze
button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Wild things

How are y'all feeling today? Oh, I'm sorry to hear you have a headache. I highly recommend Anacin - pain reliever with just a small kick of caffeine. Or Starbuck's coffee - an overload of caffeine with no pain reliever whatsoever, but you'll be so wound up you won't notice. So, one medical problem is easily solved.

Unfortunately, if you become bilious the answers are not so simple. Here's one medicine that is supposed to work well, although I haven't tried it myself. Luckily, I haven't been bilious recently..

Take this seriously, folks. If biliousness is allowed to go untreated, the effects can be devastating to you and to those around you.

Talk about a bad hair day - whew!

Let's head out West for a bit. (That's easy for me to say. I'm already here.) You've heard that old song - "Get Your Kicks on the Oregon Trail"? Just follow the wagon wheel ruts and you're bound to end up here. Sometimes getting out of the ruts is a problem once you arrive.

In case you need a  map:

Yes, you must begin your trip in Independence, Missouri, regardless of where you live. We have rules out here.

You may encounter some interesting wildlife on your trip, especially if you happen upon a group of singing cowboys. (More common than you might suppose.)

Of course if you follow the map above, you shouldn't even be in Colorado. For the truly lost, here is a helpful map drawn by a Texan:

Today's words to live by

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The Japanese Box

Whenever I see a card or a graphic image that includes non-English text, I can't help but wonder if the words really relate to the picture, or if they just look good but are nonsense. For example "The Japanese Box" picture above. There are a number of possibilities here. The Japanese characters might say:

1.  "Always use a straw when drinking", or, in Japanese, "Please to suck quietly"

2.  "Why are these women standing so close to me?"

3.  "Why is my hair purple?"

4.  "Fishermen catch giant fried shrimp"

On to Europe!


A little "Propaganda de Portugal Society" reminding us that Portugal is the closest European country to the Americas. So if you are racing your friends (or your enemies) to Europe, buy a ticket to Portugal.  If not, buy a ticket for where you really want to go. Portugal is still acceptable, but be aware it is filled with Type A personality tourists who have participated in a race to get there and are a bit frazzled.

Maybe you'd rather go to Ireland.  You've probably heard of coulrophobia which is an exaggerated fear of clowns. But have you ever heard of someone being afraid of a leprechaun?  Me either. But you can be frightened by the color green, and that is called chromatophobia. So anyone who is chromatophobic should avoid Ireland, and also Oregon.

  Wherever you go on your travels, remember....once you get there, you can always come home.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

New Year, Same Old Blog

I am back from holiday limbo and I'm trying to remember how to blog. Feel free to celebrate - kick up your heels - if you are so inclined. I think I will join you.

Whew! I get so dizzy when I twirl. 

OK, time to get serious. Ha! Like that's going to happen!

Did you know that if you sit on a park bench long enough you will turn to stone? But you won't get dizzy.

This man sat down for a few minutes to let his Big Mac and fries settle, and look what happened. He should have danced instead.  (The Big Mac is still in pristine condition in his stomach.)

Now I know this sounds boring, but take a look at these Creative and Unique benches.

You want to know how old I am? I can remember real live orange groves in California. And avocado orchards, and blue skies with no smog. This card was mailed from Covina, California in February of 1926, a little before my time. The sender reported that the weather was very warm and all the flowers were in bloom. She lived in Ohio, so she thought this was paradise. Her family is still waiting for her to come home.

So long for now from the cats, the parrot, the goldfish and the humanoids who live here.

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