Wild things

How are y'all feeling today? Oh, I'm sorry to hear you have a headache. I highly recommend Anacin - pain reliever with just a small kick of caffeine. Or Starbuck's coffee - an overload of caffeine with no pain reliever whatsoever, but you'll be so wound up you won't notice. So, one medical problem is easily solved.

Unfortunately, if you become bilious the answers are not so simple. Here's one medicine that is supposed to work well, although I haven't tried it myself. Luckily, I haven't been bilious recently..

Take this seriously, folks. If biliousness is allowed to go untreated, the effects can be devastating to you and to those around you.

Talk about a bad hair day - whew!

Let's head out West for a bit. (That's easy for me to say. I'm already here.) You've heard that old song - "Get Your Kicks on the Oregon Trail"? Just follow the wagon wheel ruts and you're bound to end up here. Sometimes getting out of the ruts is a problem once you arrive.

In case you need a  map:

Yes, you must begin your trip in Independence, Missouri, regardless of where you live. We have rules out here.

You may encounter some interesting wildlife on your trip, especially if you happen upon a group of singing cowboys. (More common than you might suppose.)

Of course if you follow the map above, you shouldn't even be in Colorado. For the truly lost, here is a helpful map drawn by a Texan:

Today's words to live by